I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize