Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
