dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
