if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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