we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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