youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
