I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize