I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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