If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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