What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
