my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
