I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
