the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
