well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
