I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
