I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
