i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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