I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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