you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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