I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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