dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
