Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I touched a dick in church today
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