I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
