you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize