I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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