I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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