at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nutella sex= disaster
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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