you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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