You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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