I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
