thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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