And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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