So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
