So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
