Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
