normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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