He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
