i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The adults are the big ones right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
