Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize