i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
