he wants to bone in the snuggie
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
