Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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