there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
