I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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