I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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