just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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