You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
