We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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