9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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