the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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