it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
