btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
