It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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