If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
