i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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