just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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