well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
