I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize