all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
