it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
