i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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