Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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